


I Love You, You Idiot

by Perpetual Motion (perpetfic)



Category: The West Wing
Genre: M/M, with a cameo by the fantastic Ron Butterfield
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-21
Updated: 2014-12-21
Packaged: 2018-03-02 15:06:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2816537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perpetfic/pseuds/Perpetual%20Motion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>“Oh, my god, why are you cheerful about this?” Josh asks. “Fox News has already called us sodomites!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>  <em>“How kind of them to restrain themselves for all of three minutes,” John replies...</em></p><p> </p><p>(Josh and John get outed. Feelings ensue.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Love You, You Idiot

**Author's Note:**

  * For [the_wordbutler](https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_wordbutler/gifts), [HugeAlienPie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HugeAlienPie/gifts).



> For the_wordbutler and HugeAlienPie, two amazing friends and writers who have seen me through my best and worst, betaed my best and worst, and encouraged my best and discouraged my worst. Enjoy, you fucks. You're the goddamn best. Happy Holidays and shit.

Josh and John make it four weeks before news of their relationship breaks the newsfeed. Ron Butterfield wins the pot, having picked every Thursday in June.

“Why Thursday?” Toby had asked.

“Josh Lyman has never had a major scandal with a full lid,” Ron replied. “It won’t happen on a Friday.”

Ron makes 1800 dollars, which he dutifully forgets to report on his taxes.

Halfway around the globe, watching CNN because it makes him laugh, Lord John Marbury sees the story break.

“In the lighter side of political news,” the anchor says, “it appears there’s a new couple at the White House.” And up flashes a picture of Josh and John, tucked away in a corner at a state dinner, John’s hand very clearly tucked under Josh’s jacket at his waist.

The phone rings as the anchor says, “anonymous source” and John answers while pressing ‘mute’ on the remote control. “Hello, darling,” he greets.

“Oh, my god, why are you cheerful about this?” Josh asks. “Fox News has already called us sodomites!”

“How kind of them to restrain themselves for all of three minutes,” John replies as his office door opens. “Just a moment, Joshua,” he says, and he puts the phone against his shoulder admist Josh sputtering that _Now it not the time to--you son of a bitch, you’re already not listening_. “Yes?” John asks.

“The Beeb would like a quote,” Bernice says. She is, as always, unimpressed by John’s latest headline grabber, but there’s a smile at the edges of her mouth like maybe she finds this all just a touch charming.

“No comment until a certain someone’s feathers have unruffled.”

“No comment,” Bernice repeats, and she leaves the office, shutting the door behind her.

“--hang up on you!” Josh is saying when John puts the phone back to his ear.

“Oh, don’t do that,” John replies. “It’d be a shame to have a fight for something as small as this.”

Josh sighs, and John can picture him rubbing his forehead with his fingertips. “This isn’t small, John. We’re a Democratic office with a Republican House and Senate, and now the Deputy Chief of Staff is living in sin and the fucking news is running with it like it’s celebrity gossip.”

“Then it shall fizzle out by the closed lid tomorrow evening. I find you absolutely fascinating, Joshua, but I have very particular tastes.” John smiles at the silence that follows his declaration.

“You’re insulting me in my time of pain,” Josh says. “I’m having a meltdown, and you’re making fun of me.”

“No, I’m complimenting you. My tastes are particular because I bore easily, and you have never left me wanting.”

The silence is different this time. Anticipatory. “No sex voice when I’m having a public relations crisis.”

“Really, Joshua, if that’s going to be the rule, they’ll be no sex voice ever.”

“I’m hanging up on you.”

“Goodbye, dear.”

“Yeah. Bye. Hate you.”

John is smiling as he puts down the phone. “Bernice!” he calls out. “Where’s the number for the florist I like?”

*

“Oh, fuck him,” Josh declares when Donna walks into his office carrying two dozen long-stemmed roses in a vase. 

“Be nice,” Donna chides. “They’re beautiful.” She plucks the card from its holder and reads it before Josh can even lift a hand. “Oh! And they’re not for you! They’re for CJ.”

“What?!” Josh jumps out of his chair and yanks the card from Donna’s hand:

J--

I do not know CJ’s office number. See that she gets these, will you? Least I can do with the questions she’s been fielding since yesterday.

\--J

“What’s the word for murdering your boyfriend?” Josh asks.

“I think it’s just murder,” Donna replies. “Want me to look it up?”

“Yeah, yeah I do.”

Donna takes the card, hefts the vase, and leaves Josh alone in his office, wrinkling his nose at the way the whole room still smells like flowers. Leo walks in, wrinkles his own nose, and holds up a bag. “This came for you.”

“What is it?”

“Do I look like the delivery boy who I’m pretty sure wet himself when he had to go through security?” Leo holds out the bag.

Josh takes it. It smells like fried things and happiness. “Why are you getting my food?”

“The note said, ‘Gerald, pass along to Josh, would you’? Take a guess.” Leo rolls his eyes. He leans over when Josh opens the bag. “I’m taking a fry.”

“Sure,” Josh agrees, figuring it’s the least he can do. He holds out the bag so Leo can examine the pile of them next to the fried chicken. “You think I’m screwed?” he asks, voice low, just loud enough to carry over the rustle of the bag.

Leo looks up, three fries in his hand. “Screwed? Why? Because you’re all over the news right now?”

“All over the news for being the ‘closeted gay staffer,’” Josh replies. It’s hard to do air quotes when he’s still got one hand around the bag of food, but he manages. 

Leo snorts and bites into a fry. “Like you’re the first, and you’re not even closeted. We all knew you two were together. Hell, Butterfield made 1800 bucks off of it.”

“I still think it’s unfair I didn’t get to take a guess at the pool,” Josh says as he sits on the edge of his desk. “It’s not like I ever fuck up on purpose. They could have let me have a random day, and I’d probably have hit it.”

Leo finishes one fry, then the second, and then he points the third at Josh, who is staring into his bag of delicious junk like it’s going to be disappointed in him. “Hey,” Leo says. Josh looks up, but he doesn’t raise his chin. “This isn’t a fuck up, all right? This is you and that nuisance on my sanity liking one another. I think you could do better--”

“He’s an ambassador and a Lord, Leo. How do I top that?”

“There are other ambassador-slash-Lords who know my name,” Leo replies. He reaches out and grabs Josh’s shoulder and gives him a quick shake. “But outside of that, you’re not going to hear anything from me about this being a mistake. You’re not going to hear it from anyone. Marbury’s crazy as a sack of cats, and you’ve got the worst case of foot-in-mouth this side of the last anti-gay Senator who got caught out in a men’s room--”

“Salvo,” Josh supplies without thinking.

“And the two of you seem to be getting on all right,” Leo continues. “Lord knows you danced around it long enough.”

“No,” Josh says, pulling away and clutching his lunch to his chest like it’ll protect him. “We are not having this conversation again. Why does everyone keep having this conversation with me?”

“Because it took you a year to realize he was interested,” Leo says as he turns to leave. “And given who we’re talking about, that’s downright embarrassing.”

“Thanks for the ego-debilitating pep talk, Leo!” Josh calls after him. “Really upped my spirits!”

*

“Did you get my flowers, Joshua?” John asks when he calls that evening. Well, evening in DC, just past midnight in London.

“You should be sleeping,” Josh replies. “Also, Donna informs me there is no specific murder-word for killing one’s boyfriend and suggests ‘regicide’ as a substitute.”

“I suppose it beats _Avada Kedarva_.”

“I don’t know what that means.”

“That is a lie, and we both know it.” John can’t help the happy sound he makes when Josh chuckles. He thinks maybe Josh is coming out of the worst of his freak-out. “Are you better now?” he asks. “Relatively speaking.”

“The fried chicken helped,” Josh says. “Thanks for that.”

“You are very welcome.”

There’s silence for a few seconds. John signs a few forms. Over the line, he listens to Josh shift. 

“John,” Josh finally says. “Um. Do you. I. Um.” He swears under his breath, too low for John to actually pick up what he says, but he knows that tone well.

“Yes?” John prompts.

“We’re still on the news cycle here,” Josh says in a rush, “and Donna says we’ve gotten dozens of calls about the whole thing, and I’m doing what CJ said when she threatened me and saying no comment, but I--”

John can’t stop the smile that slides across his face. “Yes?” he asks, soft and warm. “You can ask whatever you like, Joshua.”

Josh clears his throat, and John can picture him shifting in his chair, rubbing one side of his head to make his hair stand on end. “We’re a couple, right? Like, you think of us that way? Because people keep asking for that confirmation, and it’s only been a month, and I’m not really--”

“I consider us one,” John says, leaning back. “Do you not?”

“No! I do!” Josh nearly yells. “I do,” he says again, more quietly. “It’s just...is that weird when we’re only a month in?”

“I spent a year trying to gain your attention, Joshua,” John replies, ignoring Josh’s huff that tells him he sounds too amused for his own good. “You’re lucky I’ve not yet proposed.”

“I am not up for that,” Josh says. There’s a long silence, and then there’s laughter, muffled but clearly laughter. “Oh, my god, I hate you,” Josh says. “I should regicide your ass right now.”

“Are you at home?” John asks, swallowing back the rest of his laughter.

“Yeah,” Josh answers.

“Then, perhaps, you can tell me what sort of pleasant ideas you have for my ass.”

There is a pause, heated, and then, “Unfair,” Josh gets out, and John hears the unmistakable sound of a zipper going down. “I’m still mad at you about the flowers.”

“Did CJ enjoy them?”

 

“Shut up,” Josh says. “Shut up and tell me what you’re gonna do to me the next time you’re in town.”

*

The next time John is in town is six days later. When he goes to the White House, he follows procedure and first visits Leo and the President. “Gerald!” he greets. “How are you?”

“God, I hate you so much,” Leo replies. They give each other the stink eye for a few seconds, and then Leo says, “I’m good, thanks. How was the trip?”

“Dreadfully short on leg room,” John says with a greatly exaggerated stretch. “And the food was horrid, but I am here in America now and plan to gorge myself on cheeseburgers and chicken fried steak.”

“How did you even get a taste for that stuff?” Leo can’t quite believe the way John’s face softens into something unquestionably _fond_ and _sweet_.

“Well, the same person who insisted on fried chicken for our first date,” John tells him.

“I think I’m going to be sick.” Leo starts to turn away, but John holds out a hand, and he stops. “What is it?”

“Is he…” John works his mouth back and forth. “I am sticking to the established routine to try and showcase that while Josh and I are together, I take my duties seriously. But, given his rather appalling response to any and all media questions regarding the issue--”

“He’s fine,” Leo says because he knows if he doesn’t say something John will keep stringing words together for another eight minutes. “Everyone’s shut up over here, but I think they’ll probably perk up again now that you’ve been spotted, but it can’t be worse than the first couple of days.”

 

John pulls a face. Most of the commentary had been lighthearted and even encouraging, but then there had been a rather awful expose on Josh’s supposed former relationships and everyone from Sam to Donna to CJ had been pulled into it. CJ had really handled it the best. Upon being asked about her previous romantic interest in Josh, she’d burst into laughter. John had watched the briefing and immediately sent her another dozen roses.

“The President will see you now,” Leo says. “And relax, John. You two are a public relations disaster no matter what happens. Just try and have fun.”

“Are you attempting to be encouraging, Gerald?”

“Josh’s dad died during the campaign; I’m just trying to do what he’d have done. I’m just nice enough not to threaten to shoot you.”

John grins. “Well, score one for diplomacy.”

He walks into the Oval Office and greets the President with his usual handshake and smile. "My good sir," he says. "An honor as always."

"John, thank you for coming over," the President replies. He puts his hands in his pockets, rocks back on his heels, and says, "Before we get to the politics, let's get down to brass tacks."

"Mr. President?"

"Your intentions for Josh, they're pure?"

John laughs, then cuts it short when he realizes the President is staring him down. "Sir," he says.

"Are they pure?" The President repeats.

"For certain definitions of pure, yes," John says. 

The President cocks his head and gives him a hard look. "SIx months from now, what do you see?"

"Myself on Joshua's couch ordering take out because I'm fairly certain he doesn't know he has an oven."

"And a year from now?"

"Proposing. Preferably at my estate in England so we can enjoy it before it becomes--what I am realizing now will be--international news."

"What not six months from now?"

"Because he will scream and flee, and the lovely Ms. Moss would kneecap me rather than tell me where he is."

The President considers that. "All right," he says. "I suppose you'll do."

"I am a Lord and Ambassador educated at Cambridge and the Sorbonne, and I serve at the pleasure of the President."

"Damn right you do," The President replies, "And it will be my pleasure to help Donna kneecap you should you make Josh even vaguely uncomfortable."

"Noted," John says. He grins. "Shall we move to politics?"

"Sure. Why not? You're scared enough."

"Oh, absolutely."

*

“He’s in the building,” Donna says when she brings in the morning mail. “Margaret just called over and said he was with Leo.”

“I do not need a location briefing on my boyfriend,” Josh says.

“Hey! You said it without freezing!” Donna does a little clap. Then she stands still, cocks her head, and says, “You’re pale.”

“I am not.”

 

“I’m getting Sam.”

“I don’t need--”

“SAM!”

“Goddamnit.”

"What?" Sam asks as he walks into Josh's office. He looks at Josh. "Oh."

"Yeah," Donna replies, and she leaves, closing the door behind her.

"You okay?" Sam asks. "You look...vomity."

"Vomity?"

"Like you're about to vomit. I don't think there's actually a word for looking like you're about to vomit that isn't better than--"

"Vomit-y. Yeah. Got it." Josh drops into his desk chair, scrubs his hands through his hair, and then just leaves his hands on his face. "Jesus, Sam, what am I doing?"

 

"Running the country," Sam replies. "And dating a guy who is--honestly, and I say this with love--scarily into you. I can't believe it took you--"

"YEAH WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT THE TIMELINE OF THINGS," Josh interrupts.

Sam chuckles and sits in one of Josh's visitor chairs. "He is way into you," he says, "and that's great."

"Yeah?"

"Of course! And you're way into him, and that's great, and just let it be great, Josh. Just...you are so bad at relationships. You know that, right?"

"Yes, I think every single person I have ever dated has told me that."

"Well, none of them were John, and he--do you know he came to me and made sure I was okay with it?"

Josh looks at Sam between his fingers. "What?"

"He was actually _serious_ about it, too. He wanted to make sure I thought it was a good idea because he figured if I didn't think it was a good idea, you wouldn't either."

"Is it a good idea?"

"Yes. Jesus, Josh. Why wouldn't it be?"

"Fox News called us sodomites."

"Well, they had to say something truthful at some point."

"Sam."

Sam shrugs. "You've been together five weeks, and this is the calmest I've seen you since...ever, I think. Literally ever."

"We've barely been in the same room since that dinner."

Sam thinks about that. "Did you actually look at the picture the news got their hands on?"

"No. I'm fine being humiliated by its existence without studying it in detail." Josh raises his eyebrows when Sam's mouth purses, but he doesn't take his hands off his face. "What?"

"You really haven't looked at it?"

"No. I don't--"

"DONNA!"

"This is my office. I get to yell in my office. Other people do not get to--"

"Yes, Sam?"

"Oh, and now you're getting _my_ assistant to answer your bellows like--"

"Print the picture of Josh and John, will you?"

"The one from CNN?"

 

Josh sighs. "No, Donna, the one from--"

 

"Was I talking to you, Joshua?" she asks.

"I--"

"Was. I. Talking. To. You."

Josh drops his head on his desk. "Clearly not."

"The one from CNN?" Donna asks again.

"Yes, please," Sam says. "Thank you, Donna."

"You're welcome, Sam."

"I am pretty sure she likes you more than me," Josh says.

"No, that's not true," Sam replies, but he doesn't sell it.

Donna comes in with the printout, which she drops on Josh's desk without a word. Josh raises his head to look at it. "Okay," he says to Sam, "what's the big deal? We're just standing there, and John's groping me."

"Please," Sam scoffs. "Look at it, Josh. Like, look at it like you were trying to find a way to blackmail someone, okay?"

Josh gives him a look, but Sam only points at the picture, so Josh looks at it. Picks it up, even, and brings it closer so he can see the details. They're standing and touching each other, he thinks. There's nothing to--and then he looks at their faces, and he pauses. "Oh," he says.

"Yeah," Sam agrees.

"Um," Josh says.

"So, yes, Josh, I think it's a good idea. I think it's a great idea. I think you and John are going to be really good for each other."

Josh rubs a hand over his face and looks at the picture again, at the matching, goofy grins he and John are both sporting, at the way they're leaning towards each other, and the way they're into each other like Josh has seen in wedding pictures for his whole life. "Okay," he says. He looks up at Sam. "Okay."

"Okay," Sam agrees, and he grins and stands and lets himself out.

*

When John finishes with the President, he goes to Josh's office. Donna is at her desk, and she beams at him. "Ambassador," she greets. "Welcome back."

"Thank you, my dear," he says. "Is your grizzly bear of a--"

 

"IS THAT JOHN?" Josh yells from behind his closed door.

John and Donna share an amused glance. "I shall see myself in," John says. "Your hair is lovely."

"Thank you," Donna replies, and she gives him a regal little wave as he passes by. 

"Have you looked at this?" Josh asks, holding up a printout John recognizes as the photo that made the news.

"Of course, Joshua. It's been the damning evidence to our homosexual love affair."

"No, I mean, have you looked at this?" Josh asks as he gets up from his desk and walks around it. "Like, our faces? Have you looked at our faces?"

John glances at their faces in the photo. "I am certain that is how we look most of the time," he says. "At least, I am certain it is how I look when I look at you."

 

"Oh." The paper crumples in Josh's hand as he tightens his grip. He looks up at John. "So. I'm pretty sure that's what my face looks like right now."

"I'm glad."

"And I'm pretty sure it was sort of stupid to ask if you were okay with considering us a couple."

"I understand your hesitance, Joshua. But I am very pleased you've had this moment of self reflection."

"Yeah. Well."

"Yes," John says as he touches Josh's neck and presses lightly so Josh will move in close. "Perhaps I'll propose at six months."

"Yeah that--wait wh--" 

John kisses him before he can finish. He keeps it light and only mildly dirty. "Oh, I have missed you," he says.

"Good," Josh replies. He pecks John on the mouth, then gets a hand in his hair. "I heard what you said, by the way. Talk to Donna. She's got a good eye for rings."

"Are you certain? Six months is a terribly short time."

"Not really," Josh says.

"I suppose that's true," John says after a moment. "And considering it took a year to even get your attention--which you should be embarrassed about, really, as I was forcibly _not_ subtle--"

"WE ARE NOT DISCUSSING--" is as far as Josh gets before John kisses him again.

*

Seven months later, they get engaged. They release an official photo to the press, and it just maybe looks very similar to the first photo of them that went public except that they're in casual clothes. It's an accident. Maybe. It also ends up framed on their separate desks.


End file.
